Toxic Positivity and its Negative Impact on Society
It’s everywhere – t-shirts, water bottle and laptop stickers, ad campaigns, Instagram captions. Somewhere in the last 10 years, a phrase that was once associated with the flower power, hippy, bohemian love child movement has become a harmful mindset that promotes dysfunctional emotional management. The “good vibes only,” content you absorb on a day-to-day basis is toxic positivity. What is Toxic Positivity? Toxic positivity is a consistent pressure we put on ourselves to stay upbeat no matter how bad or how dire our circumstances are. While positivity is often viewed as good, helpful, and healthy, in this case it carries a negative connotation because it sets an unrealistic expectation of being able to be always perfectly happy and content with your circumstances. The reality is that sadness, grief, and disappointment are natural responses to events like break-ups, the death of a loved one, or the loss of a job. Robbing yourself of the ability to experience these events by feeling what naturally comes with them is, in essence, emotional gaslighting.
Being stuck in the loop of toxic positivity forces you into a place where you have no option but to engage in unhealthy coping. Where is the “good vibes only” mindset most often perpetuated? Amongst modern day “hippies,” who frequently (not always) return to the consumption of alcohol or drugs as a means to escape. Another problem with toxic positivity is that, in not allowing ourselves the natural processing of emotions as they come up, we begin to fall into “cancel culture” in our own lives, meaning that we cut out people from our lives who offer us a different perspective, or disagree with us on things we define as part of our core make-up, thus eliminating any variation from our lives. We need people in our life who offer us opinions, experiences, culture, and beliefs that are different from our own – its what shapes our own belief system, allows us to grow, and makes room for transformative realizations in our lives.
Signs of Toxic Positivity
Hiding or masking your true feelings
Feeling guilty when you feel sad, disappointed, angry, or other negative emotions
Minimizing other people’s experiences with “feel good” quotes or statements
Invalidating yours, or others, experiences with “it could be worse” mindset or statements
Shaming others for experiencing or expressing negative emotions
Brushing off experiences or situations which are dire or difficult by saying things like “it is what it is.”
If you find yourself engaging in these behaviors, it may be time for some re-evaluating of the way in which you treat negative situations or feelings as they arise in your life. It is OK to give yourself space to feel negativity, just don’t dwell in it. How to Shift Out of Toxic Positivity You can begin to re-wire your brain towards a more human experience by practicing some of these tools: • As negative emotions arise, instead of attempting to integrate a positive narrative into the situation or invalidate your own feelings, allow yourself to reflect on the emotion that is presenting itself – what’s coming up for you? What is the thought you perceive as negative? What bodily sensations are you experiencing that may feel uncomfortable and give you the desire to spin it into a positive feeling? • When you notice yourself experiencing negative emotions, after you’ve reflected on them in the previous step, ask yourself what the source of them could be. Is this feeling or situation reminiscent of a negative emotion or situation you’ve experienced in the past? How can you give attention to the feeling without dwelling on the past? • Therapy. I can’t stress this enough. Having an outside perspective, a third party, unbiased expert opinion on how you treat yourself and your emotions is critical. Therapy can also help you to develop healthy coping mechanisms versus escapist behaviors. • Grace. We’re all spiritual beings suffering from the human experience – it is natural to feel both positive and negative emotions, sometimes even at the same time! Begin to release the judgment you hold against yourself for how you respond to circumstances or situations. By moving out of the cycle of toxic positivity, you give yourself space to have experiences which shape you as an individual. We learn as much from our mistakes as we do from our successes. It is only by allowing ourselves to experience these pitfalls and the emotions which arise with the circumstance that we will be able to experience gratitude and optimism for the situation later on. Enough with the “good vibes only,” talk, though it’s not as catchy, try the frame of mind more aligned with “intrinsic vibes, when necessary.”
